blackadder bishop of bath and wells quotes
", EB: "I, on the other hand, am a fully-rounded human being, with a degree from the University of Life, a diploma from the School of Hard Knocks, and three gold stars from the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit Kicked Out of Me. Percy: Oh, how I would love to be an actor! Percy: Yes, eh How about if we get Lord Farrow's head and body and we take it to the Queen. Prince George: By all means. Blackadder: Well, Baldrick. [The tray jumps back into Blackadder's hands]. Blackadder: [triumphant] Well, nobody likes a loser. Blackadder: I leapt on the opportunity to test you. Blackadder:: Tell me, do you ever stop shouting at the lower orders? Q : "Explain." Blackadder: Too dead. 18,555 Views Read the entire Blackadder show script Edit Buy Blackadder: Blackadder: Let's face facts, Perc: it's you! bath. [Blackadder leaves the room]. Bob: Oh yes, sir. Blackadder: Yes, Baldrick, I am and if you don't answer, then the booted bony thing with five toes at the end of my leg will soon connect sharply with soft, dangly collection of objects in your trousers. Prince Ludwig: Nonsense. Lord Blackadder: No, it's really nothing; I haven't got you anything. You forgot your comedy breasts!Lord Melchett: Au contraire, Blackadder., Baldrick: Morning, Mr. B.Blackadder: Leave me alone, Baldrick. George: I say, Blackadder, are you sure this is the PM? ", LG: "I'm as thick as the big-print version of The Complete Works of, CP: "I must say, Captain, I've got to admire your balls." [Blackadder has just had the Bishop painted in bed with Percy, and is now using it to blackmail him]. Playing next. Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more! Pitt the Embryo? Now try again. Explain yourself!" Blackadder: Yes, your fiancee was only a third-rate sailor, but a first-rate second course! Ludwig: I, I was the tall and attractive German stable lad who held him. What do you think? ", EB: "Bangs like a privvy door when the plague's in town." Blackadder: CRISIS, BALDRICK, CRISIS! [sighes] All right, what's the plan? George: Oh, hogwash! You're a top kipper salesman with a reputable firm of Aberdeen fishmongers; don't throw it all away! Duke of Wellington: NEVER! We came across a turnip that was exactly the same shape as a 'thingy'! Never have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! But are the actors really anarchists? Prince George: Well, no, actually. Baldrick: Will you want me to cut anything off? We must do something! Related Tags: . Huge animals moved surprisingly noiselessly through the thick forest only a few yards away from the group, and a large inquisitive eye ad appeared between the foliage time to time. EB: "Contrafibularities, sir. Success! [A reformed Ebenezer Blackadder hands Baldrick the money he just lifted from his niece's fiance.]. ", G : "Still, for me, socks are like sex. And you dont have to talk in that stupid voice to me, Im not a tourist! Blackadder: You see, Baldrick, in order to prevent a war in Europe, two super blocs developed: us, the French and the Russians on one side; and the Germans and Austro-Hungary on the other. Baldrick: I got down to the last two, but I failed the final interview. Blackadder: It is said, Percy, that civilised man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that through learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God. EB : "Kate, that's an unusual name for a boy." Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips and telling the Prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?! Explore Fanpop. There isn't a bang] [sarcastic] Yes, terrifying. EB: "That you, Percy, are an utter berk. British Comedy Series British Tv Comedies Comedy Quotes Nursie! A cunning and subtle one? High quality Bishop Of Bath And Wells-inspired gifts and merchandise. G : "Fine! Duke of Wellington: Now, let's turn to the second front, my lord. Blackadder: Sorry, he's sick. Blackadder: Look, I'm not interested in your bloody friends, what about me? ", EB: "Tell me, Brother Baldrick, what exactly did God do to the Sodomites? Yes, I think I have just the fellows. And you don't have to talk in that stupid voice to me, I'm not a tourist! EB: "So what you're saying, Percy, is that something you have never seen is only slightly less blue than something else that you have never seen. [a whistle is heard] Good luck, everyone. ", AW: "Those who soil a Wellington put their foot in it. Blackadder: As usual, Baldrick: by use of the large and wonderful thing between my ears. Flashheart places a foot on his chest.]. [he and Miggins depart]. Eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil if we can't replace this dictionary. Show me the glen where the kipper roams free! Baldrick: But how are you going to win your bet? You will - all of you - regret the day that you ever mocked my complexion! All day long, you mutter to yourself, jibber, dribble, moan, and bash your head against the wall yelling "I want to die!". ", G : "I mean, for heaven's sake! Blackadder: I haven't forgotten, it's a rhetorical question. Marry Doris. ", G : "Look, Doctor Johnson, I may be as thick as a whale omelette, but even *I* know a book's got to have a plot. Made a note in my diary on the way here. I was rather banking on you saying 'No' there." Blackadder: Indeed you do, Percy. EB: "Well don't. Baldrick: Yeah, it's like goldy or bronzey, only it's made of iron. If word gets out that I'm missing, 500 girls will kill themselves. T-shirts, posters, stickers, home decor, and more, designed and sold by independent artists around the world. I always loved history. Blackadder: Claims to have killed Bishop of Bath and Wells. EB: "And I daresay quite a few stomachs. But the real reason for the whole thing was that it was too much effort not to have a war. "EB: "BAAAA"While queen is searching Adder's room for 'female' company, afterasking if any sheep were in there and EB denying it. I'll cross out the "in." Prince Albert: [outraged] Queen Piglet Features!? [Blackadder looks down, notices the breasts and places them around his head]. LG: "Oh, you taking up sculpture now, sir?" [They embrace, before a random woman appears behind Johnson] Oh, I'm sorry. ", Black Adder II (Edmund BA is a Lord in Queens Elizabeth's court.) EB: "What of 'em?" Have found only person in world less funny than you stop. Blackadder: A pumpkin is going to save the king? ", G : "First, I'd like a word about the disgraceful circumstances in which this election arose. This is called adding. George: If we should step on a mine sir, what should we do? please help! She hangs around with a big nob, so she'll be used to a fellow like me! Then I want to be middle-aged and rich. Let's try again, shall we? ", IB: "Well, as I always say, if you can't laugh, what can you do?" We fight wars against them! I forgot the bailiffs. Consul Georgius: Oh come now, Centurion! You think you can thwart my plans to bankrupt the Prince by fixing the Dunny-on-the-Wold by-election but you will be thrashed - I intend to put up my own brother as a candidate against you! Squad Leader: You see! Get it?! Blackadder Images on Fanpop. EB: "Yes, I have. You're fired." A maternally crazed gorilla would come in handy at this very moment. EB: "Come on, you MUST have a first name." I. I was Flossy. It's only a dictionary! How they ever managed to produce their 112 children is quite beyond me! Baldrick: Go on my lord. [sarcastic] A terrifying obstacle! You mean, um you mean, take her home over the weekend to meet your mother? I simply ran out of juice! It's a novelty death warrant, and you give it to a friend. Blackadder: Tell him to get his sacred backside out of here! [Blackadder is trying to get out of the party]. [Flashheart laughes and then punches Blackadder in the face], Flashheart: The first thing to remember is always treat your kite [Whacks diagram with his pointer.] ", MP: "You've really got your banter worked out, haven't you?" Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye? 28:04. Percy: [on his new neckruff, which is extremely small] The fashion today is towards the tiny. Pitt: Oh Then that must be why nobody likes you. Queen Victoria: [laughes] My dear little hobgoblinhere is our Royal Seal [she presents it to Baldrick, who goes down on one knee]. WR: "Why, round the Cape, the rain beats down so hard it makes your head bleed." A-HAHAHAHAHA! You have chairs in your house!? ", EB: "Sir, the Prince is young and foolish. Some sort of celebration! [jumps off table and faces Darling] Last person I called "Darling" was pregnant 20 seconds later! That may be what you do in Munich - or should I say Mnchen - but not here, Werner! The point is that now that the Russians have made peace with the Kaiser, at this very moment a quarter of a million Germans are leaving the Russian Front and coming here with the express purpose of using my nipples for target practice! LG: "So, we're a bit stuck." LF: "Because a pair of pants haven't been invented that will take the job on. EB: "Mmmm, stilll me, really. EB: "Yes. It was terrific! I was born in Croydon! Well, let me ask you another question: What is the name of the German head of state? Percy: [astonished, picking up the blob] Oh Edmund! I hope that men will say of me that I did duty by my, country." The Prince Regent: Absolutely, as long as it's not that terribly depressing one about the chap who gets born on Christmas Day, shoots his mouth off about everything under the sun, and then comes a cropper with a couple of rum coves on top of a hill in Johnny Arab land! Blackadder's Christmas Carol (Ebenezer Blackadder is the proprietorof a moustache shop in Victorian London). I fail to see what more a decent politician could have done! NB: "Tell me, Edmund, do you have someone special in your life?" Centurion Blaccadicus: That's not a hedge, Consul. I seek information about a Wise Woman. Bishop of Bath and Wells. Your foot falls off? Lady Whiteadder: No, thank you! [he and the squad laugh]. Where's the quill? Captain Rum: No. like my brothers and join up. Lady Whiteadder: Good! Book of King's Regulations is my mistresspossibly with a Harrods' lingerie catalogue tucked discreetly between the pages. Hard.]. A bloke could hurt himself on that! Blackadder S02E04 - Money. I've been thinking of bettering myself. Blackadder: Now, Baldrick, go to the kitchen and make me something quick and simple to eat, would you? Blackadder: Yes, Empress Oink, as lads call her! They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork in your head. ", EB: "Surely you've noticed something in the air?" Blackadder: ALL RIGHT, YOU STINKING PIECE OF CRAP! [trills the R]. ", MM: "What's in it for me?" Blackadder: [getting up close] Shut your cakehole, sonny, I know you! Blackadder: I just don't understand it. They were at Eton together. Melchett: You are now head of Operation Winkle. Starring Rowan Atkinson as the titular schemer, Tony Robinson as sidekick Baldrick and a host of acting talent in guest and supporting roles, the show celebrates its 35th anniversary next week. I shall return and wreak my rewengie! '", G : "I hear it's a masterpiece." I thank God I wore my corset because I think my sides have split. Unsere Bestenliste Nov/2022 - Ausfhrlicher Produkttest TOP Produkte Aktuelle Schnppchen Alle Vergleichssieger JETZT direkt vergleichen. By building a a three-foot high wall! Nothing of interest lies therein! LM: "Blackadder! All right! Most horses are very well-endowed, but that does not necessarily make them sensitive lovers. Blackadder: [annoyed by events and Baldrick's singing] For God's sake, stop that, Baldrick! ", "They seek him here They seek him there Those Frenchies seek him everywhere Is he in heaven Is he in Hell That devious Scarlet Pimpernel. [he floors Baldrick with a punch] Still, I fear for a frail, elderly woman, laden down with valuables, travelling through the inadequately lit streets of London! Blackadder: You're a sad, laughable figure, aren't you, Percy? Squad man: Just a little firing squad joke there, sir! All orders are custom made and most ship worldwide within 24 hours. Ah, Captain Darling. ", EB: "And by the end of tonight, I want that dinng table so clean I could eat my dinner off it. Baldrick: Don't worry, Mr B.! EB: "You really do walk into these things, don't you Baldric ?" Prince George: Yes, well, I'm a slow reader myself. The Prince Regent enlists the aid of two actors to help him write aspeech. Blackadder: Forgive me if I don't do a cartwheel of joy, your family's record in the department of cunning planning is about impressive as Stumpy Oleg McNoLeg's personal best in the Market Harbor marathon! The Bishop of Bath and Wells arrives to collect on a debt that Edmundowes. For a start, General Melchett is in mourning for the woman of his dreams: he is unlikely to be in the mood to marry a two-legged badger wrapped in a curtain! Behold! Darling: [desperate] Ah! Blackadder: The Ancient Greeks wrote in legend of a terrible container in which all the evils of the world were trapped. Only myself and the rest of the English-speaking world is to know. Blackadder: Baldrick, fetch the manuscript. Their wallets. Blackadder: What, for obeying the General's orders? I mean I shall miss the old place, I know. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); function googleTranslateElementInit() { Percy: I think there may be two Jane Harringtons -. It's another world-beater! Not even our generals are mad enough to shell their own men. Ask them who they'd prefer to meet, Squadron Commander Flashheart and the man who cleans out the public toilets in Aberdeen, and they'd go for Wee Jock 'Poo-Pong' Mcplop every time! Farewell Blackadder, ya spineless goon! EB: "You can say that again, George. I must say, I'm beginning to regret the necessity of killing you, Your Highness- I'd heard from all and sundry that the Prince was a confounded moron! Mr. hopelessly dribbly, can't write for toffee, crappy butler weed? EB: "And that his enemies might have something to go with their potatoes." Then a egg with some little soldiers. Baldrick: I'm surprised you've forgotten my lord. [Blackadder unrolls the scroll] It's a map of the area you'll be traversing. The other bloke was such an idiot, he forgot to. Blackadder: Yup. B : "What expericence is that?" EB: "People are somking potatoes, wearing them, building houses out of them. I just named the price. Blackadder: Contrafribblarites, sir? EB: "I think that's pretty unlikely. EB: "Really?" Morning, Baldrick. ", P : "Fashion today *is* towards the tiny." It's the largest church in Germany. So, is there any particular area you'd like us to go for? [to Baldrick] I charge you now, Baldrick: for the good of all mankind, never allow curiosity to lead you to open your trousers. University education; you can't beat it. Baldrick: So, how much blood will you actually be requiring, my lord? He's not going to win, is he? bath. Blackadder: You really do walk into these things, don't you? Young Crone: Two things, my Lord, must ye know of the Wise Woman. Blackadder: Look, do you think you can make your obscene phone call somewhere else? Prince Ludwig: Shut up! [Instead of France, Blackadder and Baldrick go down to Blackadder's quarters]. Blackadder: No, I thought I'd get my headstone done. Blackadder Club rejoindre New Post. Sorry, sorry, I thought you meant had I killed King Richard! I lost closer friends than the darling Georgie the last time I was deloused. Follow. Blackadder: [not realising who they are] But of course! What you have discovered, if indeed it has a name, is some .green." AH! [After hearing the boozers hammer on the door]. Blackadder: Oh, come on, Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake! [As Blackadder plans to run off with Amy]. I found you face-down in a puddle, wearing a pointy hat and singing a song about goblins. [Baldrick gives the death warrant to Blackadder], Blackadder: [sarcastic] Oh, just what I've always wanted. Edmund Blackadder, Esq. 0 comments. It is a common word down our way." EB: "All right, where is the malingering git? Use Classic Fanpop; Next Previous. A cunning and subtle one?Baldrick: Yes, sir.Blackadder: As cunning as a fox whos just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?, Blackadder: Hes madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last years Mr Madman competition., Samuel Johnson: This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language.Blackadder: Every single one, sir?Samuel Johnson: Every single word, sir.Blackadder: Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities., Blackadder: Percy, far from being a fit consort for a prince of the realm, you would bore the leggings off a village idiot., Witch Hunter: The suspect has his head placed upon a block, and an axe aimed at his neck. ", [Queen Elizabeth has a lot of good ideas.]. added by kingalitalia. The foremost cartographers of the land have prepared this for you! Melchett: Well, bugger me with a fishfork! https://www.quotes.net/show/blackadder_quotes_202. Qveen Elizabeth. - George questions Capt. EB: "It was bollocks. I need to construct a case that's as watertight as a mermaid's brassiere. Blackadder: For us, the Great War is finito. ", P: "The King is probably dead! Still worshipping God? For ninepence? Blackadder: [getting up] And I think I'd better go and visit him. Please please please please stop. B : "for the Marmidons. Nursie: Pity about this, tinky-wink; you always used to love this time of year! [Atop the wall, a Roman Blackadder and Baldrick stand at attention], Centurion Blaccadicus: We're facing a horde of ginger maniacs, with wild goats nesting in their huge orange beards-or to put it another way, the Scots!-and how does our inspired leader Hadrian intend to keep out this vast army of lunatics!? Well, the money's in my desk." [holds up a pumpkin with a face and wig] I will cover his real head with a cloak and balance the pumpkin on top and cut that off instead and the king survives. I'm the one that says, "Ready, aim, fire!". Blackadder: [to Baldrick, as they run from a mob of bloodthirsty Scots] Last one there gets hacked to pieces by Rod Stewart's great-great-grandfather! EB: "Yes, Baldrick." George: [talking about his love for Amy] Oh Amy, bless all ten of your tiny pinkies. What do you think of Percy's new ruff? Baldrick: A great big 'thingy'! Blackadder: Really?And what did he play? Mrs Miggins: [giggles] Oh, you've a way with words about you, Mr Shelley. Bishop of Bath and Wells. The bed chambers at Buckingham Palace must be copiously supplied with blindfolds! EB: "So if I gave you a thousand pounds, what would you do?" Melchett: Granted. What makes you think that? George: Oh, hogwash! Blackadder: I trust you weren't too busy to remove the crumpet! The guns have stopped because we're about to attack. What does the S in his name stand for?Blackadder: Sod off.Vincent Hanna: I guess its none of my business really, Queenie: Oh Edmund. EB: "Pointless. Blackadder: The Russians are on our side, George. All I can say, Baldrick, is this: it's the last time I dabble in politics! . "I'm going to a fancy dress party as Lady Hamilton's pussy." [As promised, Blackadder slams the door in Baldrick's face, then slams it shut on the royals], Blackadder: I am not at home to guests! I want books written about, me. [Upstairs, the Prince struggles around with his trousers on his head]. [Albert covers his own ears] "The Pig and the Prig", we call them! Blackadder: Skirt? EB: "Now, Baldrick, ask me some simple questions." NB: "No, I mean someone you love and cherish and want to keep safe from all the horror and hurt." This is, as they say, "it"? Blackadder: So your father's German, you're half-German and you married a German?! It's the most pointless book since _How to Learn French_ was translated into French. Blackadder: No, not really. Blackadder: [Panicking] Monday morning? Blackadder: Right, now here's the plan. Then I could kill the King and be crowned with the ancient stone bonnet of MacAdder! Squad Leader: Well, sir, we "aim" to please! "You lucky, lucky, lucky bastard!" The cat pounces on the, mouse, and finally, the mouse" B: "Ow!" [Further conversation is halted by the arrival of General Melchicus]. Blackadder: Cork it, fatso! Blackadder: Where? EB: "No, sir, 'tis not. Prince Ludwig: Shut up! You know, she was the one who told me about the Duchess of Kent and the chocolate chastity belt. (Baldrick enters, carrying the front door) EB: "Baldrick, I advise you to make the explanation you are about to give phenomenally good." Yes, well some of us just have friends in high places, I suppose. During WW2, it got hit by 14 bombs, yet it remained standing, with some heavy damage. If it failed to cling on to life, I see no reason why it should wish to cling on to your upper lip! Lord Blackadder: Baldrick, you wouldn't see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing "Subtle Plans are Here Again!". Baldrick: Yeah, and I could be played by some tiny tit in a beard. Which is ironic, really, because that's exactly what's happened to you. Some hope - he's the most overrated human begin since Judas Iscariot won the AD31 Best Disciple Competition. What on earth was I drinking last night? Oh, and put a P.S. That's Air Chief Marshall Sir Hugh Massingbird-Massingbird VC, DFC and bar. - Queen in BlackAdders Xmas special, EB - "You know what the good thing about this present is Baldrick ?" No, we'll have to find somebody else. Blackadder: Hardly surprising. Blackadder: Were you ever bullied at school? How we applauded when one chap got sliced in half by his own propeller! Send the bitch with the wheels right now, or I'll fly back to England and give your wife something to hang her towels on! Blackadder: He couldn't find his flybutton, let alone the kitchen door! Blackadder: Three o'clock in the afternoon, sire. ", EB: "Baldrick, you have the intellectual capacity of a dirty potato.". Terribly clever. [As Flashheart exits Melchett enters the room]. EB: "The only impression he can do is that of a man with no talent. No, at my school, having dirty hair and spots was a sign of maturity. Blackadder: I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel! But needs must when the devil vomits into your kettle. [Blackadder inspects the apparently blank scroll] They'd be very grateful if you could just fill it in as you go along. Melchett: I'm sure we all remember the shame and embarrassment of the visit of the King of Austria, when Blackadder was found wandering naked among the gardens of Hampton Court, singing "I'm Merlin, the Happy Pig! EB: "How hurt would you be if I gave the honest answer, which is 'I'd, rather French-kiss a skunk'?" It's spontaneous and it's called wit. Sauteed involves?" Blackadder: [crouched beneath Hadrian's Wall] That's odd; the machine seems to be seeking out our DNA across time! Baldrick: Oh dear, Captain B., my tummy's gone all squirty! You know, if there's one thing I've learned from being in the army, it's never ignore a pooh-pooh! I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with "R". [Blackadder offers him the bag, which contains humbug sweets.]. It'd be a sad lookout for Christians throughout the globe if God looked anything, LF: (to Baldrick) "Thanks, bridesmaid! [There is an awkward silence]. B: "I got tired of the all-mouse diet, my lord. EB: "Every word, sir?" Blackadder: Wise? Blackadder: It's beautifully framed, don't you think? I wouldn't bet a single groat that you could last five minutes without me. EB: "Well, that must be why I'm so utterly sick of the sight of you! Blackadder: Ludwig was a master of disguise, whereas Nursie is a sad, insane old woman with an udder fixation! EB: "Nothing. George: [outraged] My family is not inbred! Occasionally saying "phew, my leg hurts" when he remembers to wouldn't fool Baldrick. Blackadder: I think you might be under a slight misapprehension here, Nurse. Door! Blackadder: How could I have been so stupid?! For aunts are relatives and relatives are, evidence of sex! ", G : "This is the fellow to ask: my butler. Bishop of Bath and Wells. Baldrick: But what if the Prince finds us here? Tell you what. EB: "No, sir, it's in my wallet. I'm annoyed, and so I kick the cat. > Does anyone know where I can get a list of BA quotes? B.?" The series placed the recurring characters of Blackadder, Baldrick and George in a trench in Flanders during World War I, and followed their various doomed attempts to escape from the trenches to avoid certain death under the misguided command of General Melchett. Johnson: (confidently) Every single word, sir! George: What about Corporal Cartwright, sir? Blackadder: Well, his resignation and suicide seems the obvious choice. [he and the squad laugh]. Got him with my subtle plan! Blackadder: Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation around here! [reveals a portrait of Elizabeth I] She'd better bloody like it, she dropped enough hints! Blackadder: So has syphilis! I've got a girlfriend called Doris! Ludwig: (In disguise as Queenie) Now this is a disguise I'm really going to enjoy. Blackadder: I'm afraid not. Blackadder: Nothing. George: Honestly Blackadder, I dunno why I'm bothering to get dressed. | \============================\ (==( )===================/ \_) ) / (_/, Either email addresses are anonymous for this group or you need the view member email addresses permission to view the original message. To me, its a potato. Baldrick: [with rising hope] Maybe the war's over. When I am King of England, no one will ever dare call me "Shorty-Greasy-Spot-Spot" again! Melchett: Splendid idea! ", EB: "For as we all know, God made man in his own image. ", EB: "What's this?" Still, who cares? [blows whistle, and they go over the top]. Blackadder: Get me a chisel and some marble, will you, Baldrick? No, look, I'm English! Edmund Blackadder, Esq. Baldrick: Oh, sir! Blackadder Club Join New Post. Vincent Hanna: Master William Pitt the Even Younger, no votes, are you disappointed? Blackmailing the Bishop | Blackadder II | BBC Comedy Greats. Then he lay on his back, stuck his foot over the top of the trench and shouted "Over here, Fritz! A bare fortnight after the dreaded horse plague of Old London Town? They did call me the man of a thousand faces." B: "What do I do?" [pause, then Blackadder hurls a saddle and bridle at Baldrick]. ", SP: "'Stuck in.' If I was you I'd try for something a bit more realistic." External links Wikipedia IMDB Categories You're in good fooling this morning! ", EB: "We've been sitting here since Christmas 1914, during which millions of men have died, and we've advanced no further than an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping. Your blood, to be precise. Blackadder: [bitingly] Or what, you port-brained twerp?! ALRIGHT! "READYAIMFIRE!!!" He claims to be a "colossal . Flashheart: [taking not a blind bit of notice] No, not in half an hour, you rubber-desk Johnny! EB: "It takes more than a maniac trying to cut off my goolies to inconweenience me! [pause] Fortunately, I'm not a man of honour. Whatever it was, I'm sure it was better than my plan to get out of this by pretending to be mad. There must be some reason for it. Edmund is in trouble when he is visited by a debt-collecting bishop armed with a red-hot poker. EB: "I wouldn't be too hopeful. HUMBUG! Blackadder: Ha! Your Highness, I wonder if I might have a moment. Blackadder Images on Fanpop. [walks in]. [Percy smiles and clenches his fist in the air]. "B : "My lord, wouldn't something like 'The Black Adder' sound better?". Flashheart here. 75 Sweet But Hilarious Cake Puns! wells. Would this brilliant plan involve us climbing out of our trenches and walking very slowly towards the enemy?Captain Darling: How could you possibly know that, Blackadder?! Captain in background: COMPANY, ONE PACE FORWARD! You are a girl. EB: "Maybe to another plate swallowing bird" - Talking to Percy, when he is wearing a new ruff and thinks he's attractive, EB: "But beneath this boyish exterior beats the heart of a ruthless, sadistic maniac" - EB talking to the "executioning crew", EB: "Milady, you wished to see me?" You have invented a working time machine and are therefore, rather surprisingly, the greatest genius who has ever lived! George: Crikey, but what a show it was, sir! Hot potato, office drawers, Puck will make amends! [pause] I did. LF: "Excellent!" ", EB: "I'm afraid it'll have to wait. Blackadder (1983, 1986-89, 1999) is a television show which originally aired on BBC One written by Richard Curtis, Ben Elton, and Rowan Atkinson. ", EB: "I've got a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.". ", EB: "Everything goes over your head, doesn't it, George? Baldrick: It's part of a cunning plan, actually! Blackadder: You really are as thick as clotted cream, that's been left out by some clot, until the clots are so clotted up you couldn't un-clot them with an electric de-clotter. Blackadder: Um, excuse me, Prime Minister, but we do have some lovely jelly in the pantry. Blackadder: To another plate-swallowing bird, perhaps. Flashheart: Is it? ", EB: "But you know, Baldrick, the world isn't fair. Blackadder: However, if you want something for lunch, [picks up a pale] take this. Blackadder: Yes. I like it firm and fruity! EB: "Ahh, well, then, my faithful reinstated family retainer, let's go, EB: "Ah! Baldrick: You know how, when you die, your life flashes before your eyes? Blackadder: That's because you're scared, Baldrick, and you're not the only one. Ludwig: NO! If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck so we burn him. [Blackadder walks in]. Blackadder: All I'm saying is, he'd better watch out! The new director of Bath!? ", GM: "I don't care if he has been rogering the Duke Of York with a giant, leek. Well, I'll mention it to Nelson. He smokes for a few seconds, before Blackadder suddenly slaps it away and turns nasty]. No, no, no, wait! Something sinister and something grotesque. Edmund accidentally kills King Richard III, making his father the kingwhile he hides Henry Tudor in his room. The abused always kick down wards. I'll have a cup of coffee, and some shepherd's pie. ", Q : "Then he's vanished. He was being nice about the article I wrote in last Saturday's Guardian. Blackadder: I do, I do. Percy: But fear not, for I have a plan to save the life of my dear, dear friend! Do you know where she lives? I'll wager those legs have never been sawn clean off by a falling sail and swept into the sea before your very eyes. EB: "So some sort of hat is probably in order? Your brain, for example. RR: "No." Blackadder: "Yes, it is," not "That it be". [the bell for service rings] Ah, his Royal Highness, the Pinhead of Wales, summons me. I want to see how a war is fought so badly! Whereas, if I don't admit that I'm head over heels in love with Satan and all his little wizards, you will hold me upside down in a vat of warm marmalade..
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